Jangan ketawa

PANCUT

Ayg: bang, goncang sikit2 dah la. nanti terpancut!

Abg: pancut baru best

Ayg: dahla, nanti habis basah

Abg: takpe, abang try bukak pelan

Ayg: nanti habis melekit

Abg: syg jgn bimbang, air coca-cola je ni.

KENTUT

org Amerika kentut ckp EXCUSE ME

org British kentut ckp PARDON ME

org Singapore kentut ckp FORGIVE ME

org kita kentut ckp NOT ME! NOT ME!

MUNCUNG

surung pupun turuk pupun

buuh kurunju dulum puruhu

suruh mukun suyu mukun

suruh munguju suyu tuk tuhu

"control sikit muncung tuu..."

MONKEYS

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo.

One was caught watching tv, another one was playing football and the other one *****

No! No! it's not you!

why you always think you are a monkey?

CONDOM vs KOTEX

Condom: Bullshit u! every month u stop my business for a week! Damn!

Kotex: If u make one single mistake, I'll lose my business for 9 months lorr!

KATAK HIJAU

pada suatu ari kita pegi ke sebuah gua.

penjaga gua tu kate, dlm gua tu ada katak ijau.

jgn pijak katak tu sbb klu pijak, dpt suami tak hensem.

dlm gua tu saya je terpijak katak ijau, tapi awak tak.

pastu, tiba masa kita kawin. suami saya mmg tak hensem.

tapi suami awak hensem. saya tak puas ati la!

so saya tanya suami awak kenapa kawin ngan awak?

saya lg cantik malah berganda cantik dr awak.

pastu dia jwb "nak wat camner, dulu saya pun terpijak katak ijau tuu..."

WARNING!!

children playing outside the car can cause accident.

adult playing inside the car can cause children!

SETEM

pos malaysia akan mengeluarkan setem gambar KEMALUAN lelaki. ini mengelirukan kaum wanita, bahagian mana yg perlu dijilat depan ke belakang?

4 KEISTIMEWAAN WANITA

1-berdarah tiap2 bulan tapi tak mati2

2-hidang susu fresh tanpa pergi ke kedai

3-mengeraskan hot dog tanpa peti sejuk

4-ditikam bertubi2 tapi tak mati2

And the oscar goes to...

I had allocated some 4 hours (albeit here and there) of watching the academy awards since 9.00 am this morning and I must say, Ellen De Generes did a great job in hosting the show. She wasn't the least boring with her spontaneous humour and wit. She was twice better than last year's loudmouth Chris Rock.

Before the actual show started at 9.00 am, our own version of oscar at the red carpet saw some of our hot shot celebrities and personalities from local entertainment industry co-hosted by Zainal Alam Kadir (wayang kita), Nana (era.fm) and another guy named Joey (channel v) who interviewed them for their favorite picks.

A lot of them were impeccably dressed to the occasion with hair beautifully coiffured but the same couldn't be said of their brains when it comes to giving answers to some of the questions asked. Well, who could blame them if the questions given are limited to '...ohh is that bernard chandran you're wearing?...' or '...you look beautiful today with matching accessories'. Haiyah! Give lah some intellectual questions like '...who do you think will win the best actress awards and why?... or '...Leonardo diCaprio had been nominated for best actor  for twice in a row but has never win one, do  you think he will win this time?

It is a known fact that some of our artistes (not all of them) be it in the singing or acting line could not present intellectual opinions when posed with questions out of their comfort zone. Excuse me, but weren't they going to an oscar party held in some posh hotel and by virtue of it should be able to answer questions related to the above occasion? There are 2 or 3 artistes for instance (names withheld) that kept talking about their new albums, new movies instead of discussing about the oscar awards show.

The very least the hosts could do is to give some informative details on the oscar's nominees and their background. Did you know that Helen Mirren's real name was Ilyena Vasilievna Mironov, born to a russian father and english mother in Essex, England in 1945 and that she started her career actively involved in theatre before going onto the big screen or that Leonardo diCaprio first became well known after appearing in the 80's sitcom, Growing Pains? 

To be fair out of the three co-hosts, Zainal was the only one fairly knowledgeable in his scope of work. He asked all the right questions. Joey? Pity him since he can only speak english and since many of our local celebrities can't quite speak english properly, he had to make do with just holding the mike and stood there looking good. Nana? Hmm, so so only lah. And she babbled a lot which is of course her trademark. Those who listen to her radio talk show on Era.fm should know this. If only the job is given to Sarimah Ibrahim, I bet things will be much livelier. She can definitely rock the house down.

Ok, as not to meleret2 some more, the winners for the 79th academy awards are;

Best picture - The Departed

Best director - Martin Scorsese (The Departed)

Best Actor - Forest Whitaker (The last king of Scotland)

Best Actress - without a doubt, Helen Mirren (The Queen)

Best Supporting Actor - Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine)

Best Supporting Actress - Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls)

Best foreign film - letters from IwoJima

Best animated film - Happy Feet (well, at least Erra Fazira got this one right coz she likes to watch cartoons in her spare time)

For more results, please google search under 79th academy awards, winners. Make yourself useful lah....tee he he he.

6 weird things

bask in the stinking ambience

Hookay, now that I'm being tagged by him, him and her, I suppose I have to give out details about the 6 weird things about moiself. Frankly, there's nothing really weird about me coz I'm just a regular plain girl with regular personality. What I am about to write and possibly reveal the true colours of myself would probably turn off some of you but hey, it's just me. Being the good sport that I am *wink wink*, I will carry out this task without much delay. Boy, are they gonna be in for a big surprise when they find out who the real KC is...tee hee hee. Here goes nothing;

1. I lurve to scratch my butt cheeks when I woke up from sleep every morning for a good 5 minutes. It feels heavenly and after doing it, I would take a sniff at my hand...oh what a lovely smell. U folks should try it out...teehehe
2. U could say that I'm a neat freak. I can do cleaning up 10 times a day for all it takes if I want the house to be spotless. No toys lying around, spill food or drink on the table or floor, it must be wiped or mopped pronto! U should see how I hang my clothes to dry or arrange my kitchen ware and utensils in the cabinet. Can put BreeVandeKamp to shame. Lately, I have succumbed to moderate cleaning since the baby came along. U can't beat an active toddler so I let him be. (close 1 eye lah)
3. Despite me being a neat freak, I am a clumsy person when it comes to table manners. I had this habit of spilling things on the table. I can't help it. Its like my hands are jinxed. Maintain vogue ek!
4. And I also had the loudest burp in the household! No need to go on details for this one. Malu ahh!
5. I like to do practical jokes on friends. Depending on my mood at the time, I would call my friends and pretend to be a salesperson or whoever lah and they would cursed me...celaka ko KC...asyik nak mengena orang jerk. And last but not least;
6. Refer to the picture above.

Well, that's it folks! That wasn't so bad. Uh oh...I'm running out of people to tag. Can I tag only 3 persons instead of 6? Or can I tag people that are not in my link up? Can give exception on this one yes? No? Ok oklah....I'm gonna tag;

1. Bakerina
2. LuJ
3. Hellikonia
4. Marida
5. KakLong
6. NJ

I haven't seen that weird thing on NJ's blogpost yet so I'm gonna put her name on it.

Rules: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Kesian kat korang semua. Cheq dah kena dah!

Breakable

It was a shocking news to stomach. I was watching tv3 news bulletin last night when a picture of 2 lifeless bodies lying on the bed covered with white blanket surrounded by hordes of people took my interest.

It was the bodies of 2 children who have been strangled to death with an iron cord by their own mother as reported in the news. It numbed me for a while as I was thinking of how a mother could have done such horrible act onto her children.

Has she gone insane? Was she abnormally depressed that to end her misery was to take her children' life? When the news further indicated that the tragedy could have been sparked by the woman's husband wish to take another wife, then it became all clear to me that this was the reason why. To some extent, I hold the woman's husband partly responsible for what had happened. Still, the act of killing her children to justify her anger and revenge should not be condoned.

This sad story reminded me of another mom in Texas, USA who was charged with 1st degree murder for drowning her 5 children ranging from 7 years to 6 months old in the bathtub some 4 years ago. Apparently, she was afflicted with severe post partum depression prior to the murder. Just like the malay mom, Andrea Yates herself had some marital problems with a very demanding husband as the news said.

Back to the first story, how many times have we heard or read stories of irresponsible heartless husbands who abandoned their families only to fend for themselves because of that other woman?

It is cruel enough to be left on your own devices and raise children without much financial aid, its even worse if the woman is a housewife with no possible income at all. It can degrade and handicap one's moral, emotionally and spiritually. Some women are born strong and resilient and some are not. To those who are not, these are the ones that eventually disintegrate and probably resort to some unthinkable acts in later stage. What can we all do to prevent this?

There's nothing much we can do if their marriage is failing or life failing them. So be it if its fated. What they mostly need at the moment is emotional and moral support and of course some financial assistance would be helpful. If only the boys' mother had seek help from her family or friends alike, the boys would have been alive today.

My heart tells me, they have gone to a far better place right now. Al-fatihah to Muhammad Alis Haqumi and Muhammad Alis Hazmi.

TLC

Am doing a different kind of blog post today from the usual light and easy mode. I've never done an inspirational blog post so I thought I would paste something useful here for your own benefits and mine too. As a wife and mother, it is my primary job function to care for my family's wellbeing. Theirs came first and foremost before mine. I'd like to think that all mothers on planet earth act similarly the way I did.

I was browsing some old issues of O'magazine (that's oprah winfrey's mag for the uninitiated...tee hee hee) and came across an article titled taking care of yourself. Reading that article, I remembered again what this day is all about for me. According to the article, taking care of yourself involves 5 things;

1. Showering yourself, whether it be with gifts or treats


2. Saying goodbye to your past self by celebrating the new you and consistently practising your new spiritual discipline


3. Naming yourself by looking up the meaning and history of your name and embracing who you are


4. Honouring yourself by focusing on your positive skills and achievements


5. Sharing yourself by finding ways to make new friends and acquaintances

I believe in order to take care of the people that you loved so much, you must love and care for yourself first. We could all use taking care of ourselves a little more, spiritually and physically. So why not start today?

Confession of A blogger junkie

If you can't beat them, join them. Welcome to the club!

Dine and whine

Eating out with the whole family has been getting ultra expensive lately. Have you noticed that RM50 note is as good as getting a regular size pizza, a plate of garlic bread, a medium sized plate of spaghetti , 2 mushroom soups and 4 glasses of pepsi and that's about it! With the same amount of money, I can buy wet groceries at the pasar malam and it can last up to 5 days comfortably. Or I can buy the same stuff at hypermarts and fix it for a lot less than the rip-off menu. I'm still struggling to make my own pizza (especially the dough part) although I'm quite good at making spaghetti.

There was a front-paged report in NST yesterday that some establishments have been charging customers service and sales tax which are due to the customs dept when in fact they did not do so! Should eateries charge us service tax when their service are really bad? These so called businesses are actually robbing our hard earned money by making us pay up those taxes when in fact they're pocketing it in their bank vault. And to think they have been getting away with it right under our nose makes me wanna puke! Its totally repulsive.

The irony of it all is that the govt is aware of this and didn't do anything serious about it. Talk talk no action, no point lah. We've heard this before. What else is new? Which is why I am not surprise that these ruthless people will keep on bullying us helpless customers over and over again.

As someone once said, eating out is literally flushing money down the toilet. Eating out or fixing your own meals, either way the crap will look the same in the toilet bowl.

Poor little rich girl

I was busy tending my troops when my cellphone beeped - the sound of sms coming in. I hurriedly dashed to fetch it knowing it could be something important when this message appeared on the lcd screen;

Anna Nicole Smith dah mati!

The message was short and precise. It was sent by dear hubby around 10.30am while he was out for a meeting yesterday (sempat gak hantar sms tuh...isk isk). My mind turned blurry. Anna who? Was she an actress? I replied his sms asking if she was the blondie in The Simple Life series and he replied - not that one, ... alah the girl with big boobs in Naked Gun 2, the movie. I had mistaken Paris Hilton to be Anna Nicole Smith. Ohh yeah, I remember her now.

The playmate centrefold who married an octogenarian billionaire oil tycoon (one lucky sod!) who subsequently inherited his millions of dollar in a very messy court battle with his stepson some years ago. Anna's life has always been a roller coaster ride ever since she married the rich old man. She was accused of being a gold digger (aren't they all?) for marrying his wealth. The cause of her death is not known but rumours are rife that she had sunk into depression soon after the death of her 20 year old son.

I just would like to remember Anna as the poster girl in Guess ads with humongous breasts.

Wordless today

Thelma & Louise

Out of the blue, I received YM from a dear friend who hasn't been in touch with me for quite some time. I fondly call her Enon (tapi jangan panggil dia Mak Enon sure dia hangin kang). Enon and I met while we were working in the same company many many years ago before being offered the VSS.

We were the hottest and grooviest chicks in our department (or so we like to think). Enon is also very much younger than me but that was not a problem. We get along very well. We work, we lunch, we do shopping and watch movies together, in fact we do everything together except the loos. We were like bosom buddies, that's how close we are.

But things didn't always end up that way forever. After some time when you grow a little older, you realise that you need a different kind of friend to go into the next phase; married life. That's exactly what happen to me. I got married. In my late 20's. The thought of biological clock ticking thunderously and the prospect of becoming the great old spinster was so overwhelming if I didn't take the plunge and that's when I decided to get married when I finally found my Mr Right. The timing was just perfect.

It was a joyous occasion shared with family members and closest friends but at the same time, I can't help feeling a tinge of sadness for the day I got married was the day I lost my bestest friend. It wasn't just the friendship but the togetherness in doing everything. I was a wife with major commitments in life, having to care for another equally important human being. Life changes drastically when the offsprings came on board. My time, energy and devotion were spent on them alone. We seldom call each other, me with my busy married life and she with her single working life. Slowly, we drifted apart. But we do still keep in touch once in a while but the closeness wasn't there anymore.

Till now, Enon is very much the swinging single (and ready to mingle..hehe) and still searching that special someone. I feel sorry for her coz I really want her to be happy. I really want her to get married so that we can share the same level of problems and issues married couples deal with. When she ym-ed me this morning, it was to tell me that she had moved on to another company because of a personal thing. I jokingly ask her about the nasi minyak thing, she just sighed. Her standard reply; tak jumpa orang yang sesuai lagi. Enon is not so lucky in the love department.

Its hard to find an eligible (and responsible) bachelor these days. I could almost hear Enon's biological clock ticking from here. Sabar lah Enon. Kalau dah jodoh tu tak ke mana.

The Procrastinator

1. why do today when you can do tomorrow - I'm hearing little orphan Annie singing tomorrow...tomorrow...I love you...tomorrow's a day away...
2. seize the day and enjoy life
3. its then or never
4. due to the risk of workaholism, hard work should be done in moderation
5. deadlines are just dates, if you dont make them, the world keeps on turning with or without you
6. if not now, then when you feel up for it
7. tomorrow might be hell. might as well enjoy the moment now while it lasts
8. there's a time for work and a time for rest. rest now work later
9. guilt is for guilty. you're not guilty of anything if you choose fun over work first. as long as the work eventually gets done, you're innocent until proven guilty - where am I going with this
10. life is like a box of bitter chocolate (borrowing lines from the forrest gump movie except the bitter part), go easy then hard

The truth be told. Phew, I can now inhale and exhale so easily and openly. Any potential employers out there might want to take note of my eccentric characteristic. So fellas, go ahead and enjoy doing nothing. I give you my blessing but of course, I take no responsibility for the consequences. Muahaha!

P/S:  People who read this are procrastinator too coz they use up big (or small) portion of their working time to read other people' blog oblivious their paperwork is running up every second of the day and have datelines to meet and the boss is keeping a close watch huhu...

Horse-play

no longer an innocent boy?

artistic or child pornography disguised as art?

News has it that Daniel Radcliffe, the charming english boy of the Harry Potter movie series has shockingly decided to take off his clothes for an upcoming role in a London theatre.

In a bid to re-invent his goody two shoes image, he is required to pose in his birthday suit with a horse reminding us that he is no longer the little boy playing magic with his wand.

What??! He's barely 17!

I just thought he grew up too fast and too soon!

Writing a letter

It is a dying art in a brink of extinction. When I was a young girl, I wrote letters to my mom (I was closer to mom than dad) and my pen-pals telling them my stories, worries and dreams and it felt like some kind of huge burden lifted off my shoulder when I was able to tell them those. And it felt even better when I received replies from them telling me to pull my strength together and to keep going when the going gets tough.

Those letters kept me going when I was living in a strange place far away from my beloved ones and getting letters like this made me feel secured and relieved knowing inside that I wasn't all alone in this world facing all sorts of problem a teenager would. I was a rather angry rebellious teenager coming to term with the news that my parents were going their separate ways and that being sent to a school hostel in a sense they believed I could concentrate on my studies were reasons enough for me to pour my hearts out freely to people that I willingly trust.

But our life has been simplified in many years to come. Thanks (or no thanks??) to modern technology, the use of internet along with the invention of e-mails, cyberchats, photopages and weblogs has certainly supersedes the old dying art of letter writing. We no longer write letters to our friends or families. The longest letter we write nowadays is probably a job application, a wedding invitation or a birthday card to someone special or fill up tax questionnaires from LHDN. We even have mobile phones with the capability of sending text messages and capturing pictures of the moment so who needs to write letters huh?

It is such a boring and an arduous task to undertake. Ask that from any teenagers you know and I bet the answer is yes.