The sister I never had

She was a rather quiet 7 year old. In her very young life, she had been distant from other people. She kept mostly to herself. She had none a friend and she didn't seem to want any. She had been independent since she was a little girl. She had also a bit of rebellious nature in herself. She didn't seem to need me as her sister. And I couldn't care less about it. We never really communicate or play together like sisters should. Perhaps the age gap difference has something to do with it. Or perhaps the divorce of our parents had made her become what she is today.

Stubborn, difficult and withdrawn.

After divorce, mom left to pursue her studies in the US. She left for a year. In her absence, I played the role of mom to my sister and brothers. I had to do all the houseworks by myself. It was also during this time that I became closer to my sister. We were happy in our own way. When mom finally returned home she took away my little sister with her. We were officially separated since then. The rest of us stayed with dad. After much deliberation, dad decides to send us to boarding schools. His decision was simple. So that we can continue our studies in peace and quiet.

Years went on until I finished schooling and furthered my studies at one of the local college. So did my brothers. I had not thought much about my sister then. After graduating, I looked for jobs and found one that suits my liking. It was also during this time that I stayed with mom again. We (me & my sister) hardly spoken to each other. Its like we have become strangers in the house. Many a time I tried to strike up a conversation with her just about anything but she'd just looked bored. Tanya soalan sepatah sepatahlah dia jawab.

Years went on again until I got married and she furthered her studies in the UK. Upon graduation, she went on to become a school teacher in one vocational school in Klang. But she wasn't satisfied with her teaching career and wanted to move on to bigger things. She took a master degree with full scholarship granted by the Japanese government for two years. It was during this time that something terrible had happened to her. She had a nervous breakdown.

She had to cut short her studies and came back here for treatment. During one of the visits to the psychiatrist, it was finally revealed why she had behaved the way she did. She was an angry and bittered person. She hold deep-seated feeling of resentment against our parents especially dad. She felt abandoned by dad. Dad never call or visit her at mom's place after the divorce. Not even once! He had never bought her things a father would. Never ever got any presents or well wishes during her birthdays. She had called him few times but was shrugged off too often as if he wasn't interested in what she was saying. She was really heartbroken. She felt unwanted. She hated mom for the way she nagged and lectured at her. She felt that mom was venting her own anger and frustration against her. She felt defenseless and hopeless. And she hated me for not being there when she needed me the most. I once asked her how she'd feel if dad dies? She said he means nothing to her now. She wasn't sure if she'd come to his funeral. It seems that she had severed her ties with dad permanently and I can't blame her for that.

I was totally shocked when the psychiatrist revealed the chilling discovery - that she had twice tried to take her own life by swallowing half bottle of sleeping pills while in Japan. She must felt really desperate to have to resort such unimaginable acts.

When the visits to the phychiatrist was finally over I had a heart to heart talk with her. I cried with her. I held her hand. I told her that I was so sorry to neglect her all this while. I was so cooped up with my own problems that I forgot that there was another soul who was confused and lost. A little girl who happens to be my sister. It took her years to become what she is now and I don't expect her to fully recover so soon.

I am so sorry, Ju. Please forgive me.

Till death do us part

Now I know what happens when you over-indulge and eat too much cake in one sitting - you get sick to your stomach. After a quesy spell that lasted long enough after my stomach forcefully purged the offender, I found it to be remarkably easy to develop strong aversion for the cake which used to be my big favorite. Its amazing how profound your memory of your favorite foods floating in the toilet bowl in their full digested state can be.

But I assure you its only a temporary setback coz I really like eating cakes especially when they are eaten for special occasion.

There's a particularly good reason why I gorged the way I did. It was my wedding anniversary yesterday. Just when I thought it was another plain day yesterday, he went and surprised me with his wonderful gesture. I just feel loved!

Unknowingly to me, the husband took a day off from his work and bought a black forest cheesecake from La Manila. How sweet. It was just a simple cake with no special written words on it. No candles on top to blow out either. Don't you just love cakes at La Manila? For the uninitiated, La Manila cakes are super hugh, less sugary and very filling.

That morning as usual, he was ready to go to work in his full working attire. After he left, I continued with my usual routine with the house chores, the kids and by 12.30pm, my two girls have already left for school. So there were just me and little junior left in the house. By this time, I heard a car coming into the porch and it was him. He came out from the car carrying a big red box that looked like a cake box and by then I knew it too well.

'..ehh...kata ada meeting ngan client pagi nih. kensel ke?..'

' I dah suruh orang lain pegi. Ambik cuti ari ni....' and he smirked at me with that cheeky look of his.

'..yee ke? apa tuh?..' I asked pretending not to know.

'...kek kita larr...kan ke ari ni dah 10 tahun kita kawen!..he quipped.

That's when it hit me.

'...eh diam tak diam dah 10 tahun kita kawen ek? tak sangka buah cempedak dah jadik nangka...' I replied.

'...yelah...dari slim mlim dah jadik tong dram...mestilah tak sangka ek...' he jokingly answered.

That's so typical of him saying those kind of words. Not that I'm sulking or what but that's who he is. He's not the kind of man who'd whisper sweet nothings to your ears and bring presents to make your day happy. But I know deep deep down in that 'brutal' heart of his, he loves me and me loving him back.

We are not perfect couple. We don't call each other sayang or darling like most romantic couples do. We talk like best friends talk. Sometimes when we feel like it, we act like kids ourselves and have a good laugh over it. We've had some pillow fights just for the fun of it. Racing up and down the stairs together. Or when we're in our adult mode while washing dirty dishes we converse just about everything, his work and the kids' progress together. And I can fart the loudest and foulest comfortably around him and likewise and we'd break into hearty giggles. Except that we don't do that plop thing together in the toilet...hehe.

* So enough of this babbling and to Mr KC, its been jolly good fun having you as my husband. I'm so honoured to be your wife. Here's to 100 years more! Happy 10th anniversary to us, dahling!

If I could live one day without consequences

I would:-

• Skip all house works and go to sleep the whole day and wake up the next morning. Let the kids fend for themselves (sniggers)
• Shave my hair totally bald (aye to Britney Spears)
• Go to a nice posh restaurant, order all I want and then sneak out without paying the tab
• Send hate mails to all the people I dislike. I think I can break Sharifah Aini's record
• Ram that bulldozer into my neighbour's house whose badass pussycat keeps littering on my compound
• Walk with style in a two piece bikini around my neighbourhood
• Wear bright colourful saree to do grocery shopping at the pasar malam
• Write graffiti on my kids' school bathroom walls.
• Shit on the road leading to the neighbourhood and let the rotten aroma lingers on and make them guessing was it a cat poop or chicken poop or a mixture of both?
• Shoot dead all paedophiles and rapists
• Assassinate George W Bush and his affiliates and replace him with Oprah Winfrey.

See you in court!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! This lady has certainly taken the word revenge to new heights. If you suspect your spouse has been rolling under the sheets with someone else, why be miserable when you can get even.

Get it advertised for the whole world to see.

Tough luck

Dear Chris,

I'm currently feeling dissappointed because you have been voted out from the competition. I couldn't believe my ears when your name was called. I had expected Sanjaya, the lembut guy to exit. He sang really badly and his hairdo...mak oii, I couldn't even begin to comprehend that. When the last 2 persons standing waiting anxiously for their names to be called, somehow my gut feeling told me you were going to be in the bottom 3. Call it a premonition or what but that wasn't really a good song choice Chris. You tried too hard. You can do better than that. I mean you're one cool guy. Your voice is so amazing. I like your witticism. It's funny and sharp. I luv it when you gave good comebacks at Simon the COWell's cowardly insults.

So I guess you won't be getting that once in a lifetime chance of wanting to see David_Hasselhoff crying for you when your name would be announced as the American Idol huh? That's ok Chris. Jennifer_Hudson didn't get to win the Idol crown but look at her now. I mean she won the best supporting actress for her role in the movie Dreamgirls. Who could've seen that coming. Nobody.

So...I just want to wish you good luck in your future endeavours....whatever that might be and hope that your singing career doesn't stop here. Long live Chris Sligh. You're the man!

Yours sincerely,

KC

not so thrilled #1 fan right now....

Three's a crowd.

I had sensational threesome for the last 3 nights in a row. It wasn't done unwittingly. I chose to do it for the sake of him. I love him so dearly. So it was only natural for me to give in since he asked me to. How could I ever refuse such tantalizing offer. It's not everyday I get to do a threesome in bed with two most handsomest guys in the world. And I wasn't even dreaming or high on drugs. The actions were so physical and intense that I need strong black coffee this morning to go by.

I can go in many directions with that word threesome right? Suckers! Yup my youngest son has moved in our crammed bed temporarily and all for a good reason.

Soothing a cranky toddler can be very exhausting. It wasn't his fault anyway. He was having a bad flu and needed to be pacified especially at night. After throwing yet another tantrum last night, he slept like this.

This morning when looking at the bathroom mirror, I realized I looked like a train wreck. Are those eyebags under my eyes? Sheesh...I hadn't had a good night sleep since like ages ago. I feel like going back to sleep but I can't. Tons of house chores are lining up. My mind was so blurry that I don't have anything interesting to blog about. My blog has been in hiatus for a good week. A week more wouldn't hurt. And a month more, I shall be forgotten.

Ohh that bed looked so inviting, isn't it? How I wish I could bury myself in there for as long as I want to. Ain't no threesome or twosome's going to interfere, just me alone.

If I were to sleep on that bed it would take a nuclear bomb to wake me from deep slumber!

Start them young

I wish I took home economics (SRT) class in high school. I was inspired by the recent topic discussed on cooking skills and recipes sent in by SU mommies in SU.com website. I was totally blown away by the expertise and recipes demonstrated by some of the women that you've gotta look at the pictures to understand why. Cooking, sewing and other house chores activity has long been associated with women from time immemorial. We have been taught domestic chores since young by our mothers who in turn were taught by their mother when they were young themselves.

Cooking was the least favourite chore during my adolescence years but somehow I was made to help around in the kitchen by mom. That was the start of my basic cooking skills. Nevermind if I didn't do the cooking from scratch but I must help her with other chores in the kitchen. If mom was cooking, I would help her with the simplest chores such as kopek and slicing the onions, garlics and ginger, kopek ikan bilis, rinse and cut vegetables into desired portion or fry the fish already smothered with tumeric powder and salt.

Mom would be incensed if I don't help her with the house work. Being the eldest daughter in the family does count so it's a routine for me that every weekend, I would vacuum and mop the floor, tidy up the beds, do the laundry, iron the school uniforms and so on. My brothers are not spared either. Their list of chores include scrub the bathroom walls and toilets, clear the drains, mow the lawn and pick up trash. The list is endless. Little did I know that whatever training that mom had provided and taught me back then would be very beneficial in years to come.

Even though I am not a good cook, I can still cook simple yet nutritious meals for my family. The basic is already there. I don't find myself panicking when a truckload of relatives from the husband's side came over one day without giving notice and I was able to cook up some storm in the kitchen and came out with presentable dishes....woohoo! If I ran out of ideas, there's always the cookbook recipes standby.

These days, I find that not many girls are equipped with basic domestic skills. With the increasing demands on hired helps in the form of Indonesian maids, I see more and more little girls and boys doing lesser house chores or none at all. Modern parents seem to emphasize more on their education which is good actually but the downside of it is the children has become less domesticated.

So in order to start them young, I get (more like kena kerah) my two daughters to help around with simple house chores. Set the table, pick up toys after playing, wash their school shoes, tidy up their rooms, babysitting their brother when I'm busy in the kitchen or in the bedroom (hehe...just kidding). The only thing I haven't let them do is cooking. Does toasting bread counts for cooking? I'm more concerned on the safety factor so I'll just wait for the right age to introduce them to cooking.

Minat boleh dipupuk.

Who knows if they might want to be the next Chef Wan, Chef Ismail or Chef Anita, the diva songstress. Its an interesting and challenging profession and makes good money too.

Full house

I woke up this morning to something like this. Big pile of dirty smelly clothes waiting for me in the laundry baskets. I hate doing laundry after a long holiday....sheesh!

gambar hiasan je!

Leaving on a jet plane

Hola! Am taking a break from the school hols. Don't wait up for me. Gotta go now. I've got a plane to catch. See ya!

senor, that's a nice looking hat...

Stuffs in my handbag

There's a theory that says you can learn a lot about a woman from the contents of her handbag. What they fail to add is that when a woman becomes a mother, the contents and size of her handbag changes too.

When I was anak dara, my handbag(s) used to be chic and fashionable with various sorts of colours and design, it sort of matched with my groovy image. *wink*

I don't go for imported branded items coz they cost a bomb. My take-home pay at the time simply did not permit me to purchase such notable brands. I would normally buy handbags and purses at very affordable prices and during sales from Sogo and Sg Wang Plaza in Bukit Bintang.

The must-have contents in my handbag those days were:-

1. Lipsticks (1-2 colours), lip brush, lip liner and lip gloss
2. 2 in 1 compact powder
3. Mascara, blusher
4. Perfume spray
5. Pen, address book, a purse with important documents - IC/driving license/ATM card/creditcard/some cash/coins
6. Hairbrush
7. Eyedrops, tissue pack
8. Sanitary pad (just in case of emergency situation, err ladies should know this) *blushing*
9. Keys
10. A walkman
    
    

These days, my handbag carries different contents a mother with small kids associated with. My handbag has become bigger in size, it looks more of a mini suitcase and have large pockets inside and outside, very practical for me to stuff more things in it (urghh, tak groovy langsung). I call it a grandmother's handbag in the same manner as grandmother's underwear. It is so compacted with things that it becomes a comfy pillow to lean my head on for that 15 minutes of nap in the car.

You can find a lot of stuff in there and these are a must.

1. Wipes and tissue
2. 1-2 unused disposable diapers
3. A bib, a baby's handkerchief
4. A rattle, few toys, a small picture book
5. A pair of toddler's clothing
6. Talcum powder, baby lotion and comb
7. Pen, a small notebook, myKad/driving license/discount cards/free vouchers
8. Small bottle of liquid handsoap
9. Cellphone
10. Empty green angpow (senang nak hulur sedekah kat sedara mara yg tua2 bila balik kampung)
11. Sanitary pad, condom (don't ask)
12. More keys

No make up kits not even a lipstick can be found in my handbag. Nowadays, I just put on lip balm (glossy type) and dab my face with cheap compact powder bought at the Guardian pharmacy in less than 5 minutes. Not exactly a groovy thing to do if I want to look and be a groovy mom.

I'm pretty content being a selekeh mom for now.

Idolized

What does Chris Sligh, Melinda Doolittle and Lakisha Jones have in common? They all have big big big talent and awesome personalities. They are the American Idol contestants this season.

I have watched them performing and there was nary a moment I feel bored with them. Whenever it was their turn to sing, I would find myself gyrating and sashaying to the beat of their tunes, that's how upbeat I feel about them.

Give them any song and I bet you they can nail it to the ground. Such was their astounding performances that loud thunderous applause could be heard from the audience when they ended a song with style.

Phil Stacey was a bit letdown this week with his song choice. I had thought he was great last week with his rendition of John Waite's 80's hit, Missing You. I sure hope would like to see him in the top 12. He has great potential and his voice suits ballad rendition. He reminds me of Michael Bolton.

My hunch, guys that are packing their bags tonight is Michael Jackson wannabe, Sanjaya Malakar although I doubt he would. As what Simon Cowell remarked, its his hair that's getting all the votes...sigh! Second guy would be Jarod Cotter, another crooner with good looks. The girls are Antonella Barba, another barbie doll who can't really sing but very popular with her looks and probably Gina Glocksen or Haley Scarnato.

Let see who gets booted out tonight and who makes it to the final top 12 and let the bloodbath begins after that.

Parenting

It is the most hardest (read: hazardous) job in the world. How very true.

There is no such thing as right or wrong parenting. We raise our children in the best way we knew how. We get few pointers from our parents, friends and Oprah Winfrey on how to be good parents to our children and vice versa. We instill in them good moral values so they will become good decent human beings. We provide them with sound education hoping they will get good jobs and in return, they will take care of us when we are old. It sounds simple enough but the truth is, parenting is a LOT more than that. Its a 24/7 day job for the next 30 years or so of our life. It goes on until our children become parents themselves and the job doesn't stop there. It will only stop when we breathe our last breath.

Many times, I found myself trying to hold my sanity intact when faced with the challenges of handling my own kids. Try dealing with 3 rowdy kids in the house and couple that with endless house chores that doesn't seem to end by bedtime, it can make any person go wrecked.

When all else fail, I will leave the final say to their daddyness for the next course of action. He's very good in that area. They don't make him head of discipline department for nothing.

Almighty Allah, praise be upon you. Please make me be more patient and humble with my kids. They are just after all kids.

That's what kids are supposed to do, make their parents go insanely crazy. Arghhhhh!

Me, myself & blog

Without realising it, I have done 13 posts this february alone and all together, a total of 45 posts since starting this blog end of November last year - a record breaking for someone who doesn't blog seriously.

When I started this blog, I had planned to write maybe one or at least two posts per week and even then, I try to make my posts as shortest as possible. I hate doing long winding essays, I'm not very good at it and I guess that rules out the possibility of doing a romance or spy-thriller novel one day for me.

I am also not a talented writer, most of my blog posts contain lots of crappy stuff and hentah hapa2 inside and my english (read: manglish) is somewhat a mix of rojak buah topped off with generous amount of crushed peanuts.

As the saying goes, you are what you write. I don't know where am I going with this. Start ler merapu tuh...

I sometimes feel the need to write substance in my blog but as usual, I have no ideas what to write or how to go about writing it. When I do have some ideas, there'd be another problem of putting and arranging those words nicely in that blank white screen that will take up an enormous amount of time for me to do it. So it bugged and wondered me how some people can come up with great posts at such speed, say an hour's time or less than that? He or she must be one super duper writer.

So, in my pursuit to write that perfect post, I have browsed here and there looking and searching to find ways to improve my writing blog posts. I would like to share with you a few tips I learned and picked up about blogging, My blog wouldn't be where it is today if it hadn't been for these valuable tips. Having said that, there's a lot more to improve in my style of writing and I hope that perhaps in some small way, these ideas might help you too.

These are not my exact words but summaries of blogging dos and don'ts I picked up and gathered from my extensive findings in the blogland.

• Stick to one topic whenever possible.
• If you have no idea what to write, write whatever that comes to mind. Look for general topic that stands out and make it the focus of your post. Clean up and remove any unwanted clutter and unnecessary things as needed and continue writing following the path you've created.
• Write only what you're comfortable sharing.
• Be wary about writing public posts about certain subjects (or people) which may compromise your situation in real life (work, relationship etc). You'll never know who might be reading it.
• If you're going to rant, try to do so without using strong abusive language. There are much more creative and powerful ways to express emotions such as anger or frustration through the written words. Your readers will feel less alienated and thus find it easier to make connection with what you're going through if you refrain from using profanities.
• Break up those long paragraphs into short ones. Similarly, try keeping those sentences short and simple. More powers lie in brevity.
• Organize your material so that it has a clear beginning, middle and end.
• Add appropriate visuals (personal photos, funny or serious images etc) to bring your ideas alive and engage your readers.
• Aim to use more colourful vibrant words to make a stronger connection with your readers. For instance, "I'm bubbling with joy" evokes so much more than an everyday statement like "I'm pretty happy".
• Find your inner voice by speaking from the heart and being yourself. This voice through your own writing style will tell your readers who you are and will help them connect to you more on a personal level.
• Re-read your posts at least 4 or 5 times for cohesiveness, spelling check, grammar and typing error before the final publishing. This things are bound to happen.

I hope to write more meaningful posts in many many years to come and I wish my readers (hehe, perasannya minah sorang nih) would grow with me as well.

This blog of mine is here to stay.