She was a rather quiet 7 year old. In her very young life, she had been distant from other people. She kept mostly to herself. She had none a friend and she didn't seem to want any. She had been independent since she was a little girl. She had also a bit of rebellious nature in herself. She didn't seem to need me as her sister. And I couldn't care less about it. We never really communicate or play together like sisters should. Perhaps the age gap difference has something to do with it. Or perhaps the divorce of our parents had made her become what she is today.
Stubborn, difficult and withdrawn.
After divorce, mom left to pursue her studies in the US. She left for a year. In her absence, I played the role of mom to my sister and brothers. I had to do all the houseworks by myself. It was also during this time that I became closer to my sister. We were happy in our own way. When mom finally returned home she took away my little sister with her. We were officially separated since then. The rest of us stayed with dad. After much deliberation, dad decides to send us to boarding schools. His decision was simple. So that we can continue our studies in peace and quiet.
Years went on until I finished schooling and furthered my studies at one of the local college. So did my brothers. I had not thought much about my sister then. After graduating, I looked for jobs and found one that suits my liking. It was also during this time that I stayed with mom again. We (me & my sister) hardly spoken to each other. Its like we have become strangers in the house. Many a time I tried to strike up a conversation with her just about anything but she'd just looked bored. Tanya soalan sepatah sepatahlah dia jawab.
Years went on again until I got married and she furthered her studies in the UK. Upon graduation, she went on to become a school teacher in one vocational school in Klang. But she wasn't satisfied with her teaching career and wanted to move on to bigger things. She took a master degree with full scholarship granted by the Japanese government for two years. It was during this time that something terrible had happened to her. She had a nervous breakdown.
She had to cut short her studies and came back here for treatment. During one of the visits to the psychiatrist, it was finally revealed why she had behaved the way she did. She was an angry and bittered person. She hold deep-seated feeling of resentment against our parents especially dad. She felt abandoned by dad. Dad never call or visit her at mom's place after the divorce. Not even once! He had never bought her things a father would. Never ever got any presents or well wishes during her birthdays. She had called him few times but was shrugged off too often as if he wasn't interested in what she was saying. She was really heartbroken. She felt unwanted. She hated mom for the way she nagged and lectured at her. She felt that mom was venting her own anger and frustration against her. She felt defenseless and hopeless. And she hated me for not being there when she needed me the most. I once asked her how she'd feel if dad dies? She said he means nothing to her now. She wasn't sure if she'd come to his funeral. It seems that she had severed her ties with dad permanently and I can't blame her for that.
After divorce, mom left to pursue her studies in the US. She left for a year. In her absence, I played the role of mom to my sister and brothers. I had to do all the houseworks by myself. It was also during this time that I became closer to my sister. We were happy in our own way. When mom finally returned home she took away my little sister with her. We were officially separated since then. The rest of us stayed with dad. After much deliberation, dad decides to send us to boarding schools. His decision was simple. So that we can continue our studies in peace and quiet.
Years went on until I finished schooling and furthered my studies at one of the local college. So did my brothers. I had not thought much about my sister then. After graduating, I looked for jobs and found one that suits my liking. It was also during this time that I stayed with mom again. We (me & my sister) hardly spoken to each other. Its like we have become strangers in the house. Many a time I tried to strike up a conversation with her just about anything but she'd just looked bored. Tanya soalan sepatah sepatahlah dia jawab.
Years went on again until I got married and she furthered her studies in the UK. Upon graduation, she went on to become a school teacher in one vocational school in Klang. But she wasn't satisfied with her teaching career and wanted to move on to bigger things. She took a master degree with full scholarship granted by the Japanese government for two years. It was during this time that something terrible had happened to her. She had a nervous breakdown.
She had to cut short her studies and came back here for treatment. During one of the visits to the psychiatrist, it was finally revealed why she had behaved the way she did. She was an angry and bittered person. She hold deep-seated feeling of resentment against our parents especially dad. She felt abandoned by dad. Dad never call or visit her at mom's place after the divorce. Not even once! He had never bought her things a father would. Never ever got any presents or well wishes during her birthdays. She had called him few times but was shrugged off too often as if he wasn't interested in what she was saying. She was really heartbroken. She felt unwanted. She hated mom for the way she nagged and lectured at her. She felt that mom was venting her own anger and frustration against her. She felt defenseless and hopeless. And she hated me for not being there when she needed me the most. I once asked her how she'd feel if dad dies? She said he means nothing to her now. She wasn't sure if she'd come to his funeral. It seems that she had severed her ties with dad permanently and I can't blame her for that.
I was totally shocked when the psychiatrist revealed the chilling discovery - that she had twice tried to take her own life by swallowing half bottle of sleeping pills while in Japan. She must felt really desperate to have to resort such unimaginable acts.
When the visits to the phychiatrist was finally over I had a heart to heart talk with her. I cried with her. I held her hand. I told her that I was so sorry to neglect her all this while. I was so cooped up with my own problems that I forgot that there was another soul who was confused and lost. A little girl who happens to be my sister. It took her years to become what she is now and I don't expect her to fully recover so soon.
I am so sorry, Ju. Please forgive me.
