The singing comedian

His real name is Nick Mitchell but for some strange reason he prefers to be called as Norman Gentle. Its probably his stage name I guess. I don't know what to make of him but he surely stood out in last night's performance for Group 2.

Does he have a chance? Judging from the crowd's response, he could make it to the top 12. Or not.

If he didn't make it, there's always Saturday Night Live. Heck, TinaFey got her first break there before rocking the world in 30Rocks.

The so-called married life from a man's perspective

as usual image cilok-ed from google www.wearyourbeer.com

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day, while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed.

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for one day, Amen!"

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids. Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school. Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners. And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

By then, it was already 1pm. So he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum and dust, sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Run to the school to pick up the kids and get into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies, and get the kids organized to do their homework.

Then, he set up the ironing board and watched the TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30pm he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, And put them to bed.

At 9pm, he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed, and said, "Dear Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please oh please, let us trade back. Amen!"

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson well, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were but you'll just have to wait for 9 months. You went and got yourself pregnant last night".

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MARRIAGE

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence)




2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.




3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.


4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.


6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.


7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.


8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.


9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.


10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!


11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.


13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.


14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.


15. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


16. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.


17. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.


18. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.


19. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.


20. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.


21. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.


22. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.


23. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.


24. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.


25. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.


26. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.


27. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.


28. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.


29. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Bread-talk

Toast it. Spread with kaya jam or margerine and sprinkle with sugar on top. Dip in your favorite Milo or Ovaltine drink or just eat it on its own. Totally delicious!

Oh Gardenia,

Enak dimakan begitu saja...

Group 1; performance review

What a huge letdown. Simon Cowell had repeatedly mentioned this all the time. Never choose self-indulgent songs! Did they listen to him? Noooo...

the ultimate drama queen - tatiana del toro. she maybe whiney but she can sing though...

save the best for last. danny gokey's superb rendition of mariah carey's Hero was definitely an act of heroism. he practically saved the night! Go danny Go...

jackie tohn's a bit underrated in this season but she sure hell rocks! powerful vocal though her choice of elvis presley's A Little Less Conversation did not showcase her real talent. pick better song next time, jackie...

alexis grace shines in her element. although I never quite appreciate cabaret-type song but she nailed it with aretha franklin's I Never Love A Man The Way I love You to a hilt. she's kinda naughty in her performance and the judges loved her...

randy called him anoopdog...must be the slumdog aura thing....anoop desai didn't disappoint us with his rendition of monica's angel of mine. one of the judges called him the next brian mcknight...he should be in the top 12. i want him in the top 12....

The rest of the contestants were awful and forgettable. I rest my case.

Letter from a starstruck fan

Dear Tom,

I have been your number one fan for the longest time. You never fail to tickle my funnybones. You sir, truly are a comedian. Having said that, I'm sorry you had to endure painful pranks by that cunning little rodent. I never really like Jerry though. He is such a pest. If I were to be your friend, I'd never do things to hurt you. Friends don't hurt each other.

If you must know, I had secretly made a wish to have you as my friend someday. Boy, I knew my prayers were answered when I spotted you at the corner display tucked snugly between other big hairy creatures. I knew then that we were going to have good times together.

I want to thank ibu and ayah for fulfilling my wish. Now I don't have to bug ibu all the time coz I have you to play with a lifetime.

I adore you so much that I want you to know you're my BFF (best friend forever)...

Lots of Love & Hugs,


Little Bee

P/S: Ibu said keep away from her refrigerator. She doesn't like surprises if you know what I mean...

16 perkara

I've been endlessly tagged (yours truly asked for it kan..). This time from sofu another blogger from the neighbourhood. The only difference is, this tag is in BM and so as a true blood Melayu, I gladly adhere to. *ngengada-ngadanya....tampar kang baru tahu..*

Tag ini bertajuk 16 perkara rawak berkenaan diri penulis blogger. Dan peraturannya ialah;

1. Apabila telah terpilih dengan malangnya, silalah menulis 16 perkara rawak sama ada tentang fakta, perangai tak senonoh, ataupun hala tuju hidup anda.
2. Silalah hasut 16 orang lain untuk melakukan perkara ini
3. Sila tanda manusia yang telah menanda anda diperingkat awal.
4. Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih ia adalah kerana anda juga manusia biasa yang perlukan perhatian dan kasih sayang yang secukupnya ketika bayi *tak cukup kasih sayang ke aku nih...adeh*

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1. seorang yang suka tidor sambil menekupkan bantal busyuk kat muka. *eh jangan tak tau bukan baby je ada bantal busyuk, mak budak pun ada OK*
2. suka korek hidung (dgn tuala basah pakaibuang) asal bangun pagi je. *tolong sikit, bukan saja-saja je nak korek tapi nak membersihkan bahagian dalaman supaya lancar pernafasan gitu..*
3. sambil tu suka belek muka kiri kanan atas bawah. entah kenapa dah jadi semacam tabiat plak, kut-kut berubah wajah ke...
4. suka membaca sambil melabur dalam bilik termenung. orang tua-tua kata sambil menyelam minum air *eh, 10 minit tu pun macam-macam ilmu boleh tambah tau sambil menghirup bau-bauan segar...kih kih kih*
5. bila rasa mood tak best je mesti bukak saluran tamil sekejap. bukan apa, kelakar sangat sebab cerita dan special effect dia banyak yang tak masuk akal. bila tertengok tu mesti gelak terbahak-bahak sampai suami pun naik heran bin ajaib. ada ke patut dia gelar aku sidia ni? sungguh tak patut...
6. suka nyanyi dalam kereta bila keluar lagu peberet kat radio...siap terhenjut-henjut badan macam nak nari. kalau lirik lagu tu hafal lagi laa.. *peduli apa aku orang nak pandang-pandang OK*
7. kalau gaduh ngan suami tak suka bermasam muka lama-lama. kejap je cool balik. selalunya saya la yg tegur dia dulu.
8. lebih suka baca non-fiksyen dari fiksyen. contoh - autobiografi seseorang selebriti terkenal atau cendikiawan, buku-buku berciri motivasi, buku-buku inspirasi yg berdasarkan kisah benar penulis itu sendiri atau orang lain, buku resipi dan lain-lain lagi
9. pada masa yg sama suka menonton cerita fiksyen dan non-fiksyen. tak kisah apa genre pun asalkan menghiburkan minda. kureng minat tonton filem melayu dari dulu, kini dan selamanya. rasanya drama melayu kat tv lagi bermutu sikit (sikit je..) dari filem melayu
10. seorang yg pemalu sebenarnya sungguhpun peramah...ahaks! tapi kalau dah kenal tu mulut pun start pot pet pot pet. tak suka bertanya hal orang walaupun teringin sangat nak tahu sebab itu selalu ketinggalan keretapi tentang hal-hal gossip di kalangan jiran. tau-tau benda dah jadi
11. sangat teringin belajar menjahit tapi tak pandai menjahit walaupun mempunyai mesin jahit *kalau jahit baju seluar koyak tu reti la*
12. tangan bangku - tak pandai buat kraftangan. kalau buat pun mesti hancus!

13. tak pandai mengurut. kesian kat suami sebab saya suruh dia beli kerusi ogawa kalau mintak urut badan...hahaha!
14. tak suka pakai baju kurung. kalau pakai pun sebab nak gi kenduri kawen atau hari raya je. dari zaman kerja dulu pun memang kureng pakai baju kurung
15. tak suka bergambar lagipun kamera memang tak suka kat saya sebab itu tak fotogenit...hahaha!
16. orang kata saya awet muda sebab tak nampak macam umur sebenar. eh ye ke? akak tak tau la...hahaha! *sungguh la perasan*

Tiba lah masanya untuk mengetag orang lain pulak tapi 16? Satu pun susah nak cari weh! Sila-silakanlah kalau sudi mengetag diri sendiri OK?

Hitting the notes

Have you ever been in a tricky situation that requires you to be extra tactful of what you're about to say so as not to sound like perasan bagus? You know how some people give you the grin look just because you stand up for your rights. The right to be choosy, that is. Its probably not a big deal to you but it is to me.

OK, picture this.

You go to a shop to buy something and when you reach the pay counter, you give a crisp new note only to be handed over old tattered change in return. What would you do if you were in that delicate situation? Would you accept it without batting an eyelid and make a quick dash or decline politely (which I always try to do) and ask for another change? Based on my experiences, some cashiers gave in to my request without dispute but they were also some who tried to give smart-ass comments but I persevered and managed to outsmart them. Ha ha ha!

Well, in my case, it depends on where I buy my things from. If I go to pasar malam and buy things from a gerai that typically sells sayur kampung and the person who sells them looks like hard-core orang susah (not dress like orang susah), I'd normally just accept whatever change is given and leave. Tak sampai hati nak mintak tukar....huhuhu.

Many a time I went to a few local banks to change old notes to new ones and I received unfavorable replies from them. They asked me to go to Bank Negara to have them replaced. Why am I not surprise. Isn't illogical and troublesome? I was given this standard reply from each bank that I went to until at one point, when I can't keep my cool down anymore, I sort of give them ayat-ayat cinta with a fake Miss Congeniality smile, "kalau orang tu tinggal kat Menggatal (Sabah) pun dia kena pi Bank Negara gak ke nak tukar duit baru? Macam tak masuk akal je kan cik?". Of course, they didn't think it was funny.

Whatever happens to good old-fashioned customer service? They just don't serve you like they used to. What a shame.

*It would be nice however if Bank Negara could install an automated dispenser machine at every commercial bank that accept old notes and dispense new ones. until then, this writer will keep on accumulating her unusable notes till it reach a certain mark before she can make that trip to Bank Negara. sigh...*

An award to remember by

Someone must have liked me (read: blog) so much to give me this. I'm honoured to receive this award from cikgudisturbia

What's an award ceremony without the drama eh? Here's my acceptance speech ala MichaelMoore from 2003's academy award for BowlingForColumbine.

..."We like non-fiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether its a fictition of duct tape of fictition of orange alerts, we are against this war, Mr Bush.

Shame on you, Mr Bush. Shame on you!

Oh, I'd like to thank the (blogger) academy for giving me this fictitious award and for recognising my true work. I also like to thank my fans out there who has given me tremendous support and without them, I won't be here on stage receiving this. I know what you think. Its absurd but to actually have them thinking about me (for this award) in this highly competitive industry is beyond words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all!

Go f*** the Israelis! And save the Palestinians. They need our help! Thank you again"...

mukabuku

OK.

So I signed up with facebook not so recently.

and then what?

Bale-out!

Apparently, Christian Bale of The Dark Knight and American Psycho fame went ballistic during shooting on a movie set, Terminator: Salvation. Though we won't get to see the actual footage of his meltdown, we do get to watch Christian's blip words re-enacted in this spoof video -
here.

And somebody went a bit further by turning it cleverly into a remix. Watch it here. I don't think this song will ever get the nod from our censorship board.

Feeling the pinch

Paper lama...

Paper lama...

Paper lama...

Those are words blasting from the sound speaker of a truck slowly passing by rows of houses every two or three times a week. They were music to my ears whenever my huge pile-up old newspapers stacked neatly at the corner of my front porch becomes an eyesore. I knew that my dumpster would be emptied soon.

On a very good day, I used to get around RM4 to RM5 by selling old newspapers per week. Usually, any profits I get will be given to my daughters for their pocket money or dumped in their tabung. For the past three months, business has been very slow. I seldom hear those words anymore. And if I do, they don't pay like they used to. You can consider yourself lucky if they pay you RM1 or else you'd have to surrender them to the garbage truck at no charge.

I guess I'll have to rely on online news when nobody wants my old newspapers or maybe I could do something useful with them as in this picture below for instance eh?

Time to be crafty (in my case, kerastangan) again...*wink wink*

Tagathon: romantic movies

Tagged by aiman'smommy about best romantic movies. It says that I have to mention 5 best love stories (why 5 when I can give 10?...ahaks) in no particular order. Piece of cake laa!

Please copy the following rules in your post (as usual);

1. You have to point out 5 romantic movies that you would love to share with your loved ones.
2. It doesn't have to be in order.. as long as you love the movies, it will be fine.
3. You have to tag another 5 person to answer this tag
   

Julie Andrews is very much the queen of musical movies. It is a tad too long for any hollywood standard (3 hours plus much like any hindustani/tamil movies are known to be) but it is a great classic and purely wonderful love story about a nun being sent to the Von Trapp's family as the childrens' governess. And ooh, the songs are beautifully written and evergreen.

I know any movies that has Adam Sandler in it can be a wee bit annoying. Surprisingly in this movie, Adam Sandler proved that he is a good actor (wearisome jokes aside) nonetheless. Adam Sandler is Henry Roth whose tirelessly ingenious plans of wooing Lucy (Drew Barrymore) to get her to fall in love with him over and over again due to her unability to remember new memories after a horrible accident (she only has memories before the incident) is undoubtedly the best original moments so far. Match him with Rob Schneider of the Deuce Bigalow sleeper hit, you'll get 105 minutes of loaded fun!

The Notebook was a great romantic tale about 2 young lovers who come across each other at a small-town carnival one night. The girl's parents disapprove, and it becomes a struggle right away for the relationship to get off the ground. When war hits the country, Noah is called off to war, and Allie is left wondering if she will ever see him again. Not hearing from him, she gets married to another man, and the story really begins. Starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as the loving couple, the film is great as it depicts two people that should be spending their lives together. The story is strong from start to finish, and there are parts of the film where it just tears at your heart that things can't be easier for the two main characters. A great WW2 love story...

Definitely one of the greatest love story ever made to the screen. About Molly (Demi Moore's hairstyle in this movie sparked a trend in the early 90's) who had lost her fiance to a robbery gone awry and how Sam's (Patrick Swayze) spirit was trying all his might to tell her that her life is in danger. I remember watching this movie with my girlfriends and we had a good cry towards the end of the movie. not only us, almost half of the audience cried mostly women. But I think Whoopi Goldberg was the star here and she stole most of the scenes with her hilarious antics and no surprise, she bagged an award for her supporting role in this movie.

One of the best epic love stories and the highest grossing film of all time, it tells the story of Rose (Kate Winslet), a young tormented girl trapped in a loveless arranged marriage to a wealthy man, contemplates suicide to end her miserable life until she was rescued by an ordinary chap named Jack Dawson (Leonardo di Caprio). Who can ever forget the haunting love song - my heart will go on by Celine Dion. Already a great classic.

Of course, the real task is to find 5 more people who is willing to do this tag. Any takers?

The downfall

Shocking indeed!

I really felt sorry for the MB of Perak coz (to my knowledge) he is an honest, decent public servant but his cohorts were not! Bad bad cohorts!

The moral of this story:- Lain kali pilih ADUN yang fully dedicated to the party and its cause to appoint them as wakil rakyat and PLEASE, never ever take people who party-hops!

Bad bad idea!

Tagathon: Part Deux

I got another tag from the ladywhorocksthecradle. She has a very insightful blog. You should read it often. Very informative.

Some of the questions from the tag are:-

1. What is your enthnicity? - My paternal grandmother was a native of Myanmar. She came to Malaya when she was married to my grandfather who was a soldier in WW2. Apparently my grandfather was serving in that country and probably that's how they met and fell in love. That's all I know about her coz she died when my dad was 3 years old. There were no pictures of her. How sad.
2. What are your interests outside of fashion? Me, the fashionista? Get outta here. I don't belong to that fraternity since I became a mother. My current interest at the moment is well, blogging. lagi mau tanya ka..
3. Favorite musicians/bands? It had to be Coldplay at the moment
4. Favorite movies? A lot, man!
5. What do you plan to study? What do you plan to do for a career? If I had my way, it would be something to do with life coaching. Oh, I'm so good at telling bullshits.
6. How often do you shop? When the storage (whatever that is) is running dry, that's when I shop...
7. Do you have a job/work? Don't insult my intelligence. Ain't blogging a full-time job?!
8. How do you afford your clothes? I share the same answer with Suealeen - sponsored by sugar daddy aka husband
9. How do people react to how you dress? If I were to wear clothes like Ugly Betty, I'm sure to get some horrific stares from people like they're gonna say, buang tebiat ke apa ke. The keyword here is BLEND so I dress to blend with the crowd...sheesh!
10. What are your summer plans? Eh, Mesia ada summer ke? However if the question is asked this way; What are your plans for this year's Hari Raya?....aha! change the whole interior of the house. Boleh?

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Tag about cellphone

1. THREE NAMES IN YOUR INBOX CELLPHONE? I figure this question is about incoming message? the husband who else, my daughter's school bus driver telling February transport fee is due and someone from the neighbourhood asking to fix appointment for her beauty product presentation..
2. YOUR MAIN RINGTONE? standard ringing tone. that's how dull I am...
3. WHAT YOU DID AT 12 LAST NIGHT? Ironing the clothes...
4. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU WENT OUT WITH? WHERE? Besides my own family? Nobody! Gosh, I need to go out with different people. I need a life...
5. THE COLOR OF THE SHIRT YOU’RE WEARING NOW? It has red, black and white all over
6. THE LAST THING YOU DID? Fixing breakfast for the kids and husband. Yikes, I haven't done anything else since doing this tag...! Blogging memang mengkhayalkan...
7. THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY FAVORITE ITEMS? clothes dryer coz I'm so lazy to sidai baju even on a hot day, tv (what else) and of course, my trusted PC (with all my friends living in it...hahaha!)
8. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDROOM? Super-bore white!
9. HOW MUCH MONEY IN YOUR WALLET NOW? Enough to last till sunday
10. YOUR FAVORITE CITY? Unlike Suealeen, I'm not much of a traveller but I have to say KL. You gotta love your own city what...
11. WHAT WILL YOU DO NEXT WEEKEND? Spending time at a spa perhaps? I love anything spa. This is my only guilty pleasure that I can't live without
12. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM? Gosh, I'm a bad daughter. I saw her last Raya Puasa...
13. WHERE IS SHE NOW? She's probably doing some chores or running errands as I write this. And she has an active lifestyle (for a retiree) as compared to her sorry-ass daughter...sheesh
14. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO YOUR PARENTS? I seldom talk to my dad as I'm not really close to him. With mom, probably 2 weeks ago but we texted each other quite often saying hi and so on...
15. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON THAT TEXTED YOU? well, the husband of course
16. WHERE DID YOU HAVE YOUR DINNER LAST NIGHT? at a place called The Home Is Where Your Heart Is Cafe...ahaks!
17. THE LAST SURPRISE YOU GOT? Lupa laa..
18. LAST THING YOU BORROWED FROM YOUR FRIENDS? telor and I'm going to ganti balik very soon and that friend is not just a friend, she is also my neighbour...heheh
19. WHO IS YOUR BF/GF OR HUSBAND/WIFE? He's just an ordinary bloke
20. WHAT DO YOU FEEL NOW? this is absurd...
21. WANNA SHARE WITH WHO? lagi absurd...
22. WHO KNOWS YOUR SECRET? I don't have secrets
23. DO THEY KEEP YOUR SECRET? who?
24. ARE YOU ANGRY WITH SOMEONE? No, however I'm slightly annoyed at whoever came up with this no-brainer questions...tee hee hee
25. WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT MCD? Normally I'd order Big Mac or Beef Foldover...
26. THE LAST TIME YOU FELT SO SAD? Hmm...tak ingat laa
27. NAME THREE PERSON THAT YOU LIKE TO TAG HERE: haiyaa...do I have to? Ok, I'd love to tag these 3 people - ThePrincipal, (expect some tongue-in-cheek answers from her), D, (the philosophical lady with a sharp mind) and a mysterious lady who calls herself Disturbia. OK, move your butt people! *wink wink*

What's going down with YouTube?

Somebody please tell me why can't I post video from youtube anymore? Sheesh...

Sengal punya laki!

Memang jantan tak tahu malu...haa tu dia akak KC dah ngamuk. Udah dicampaknya bini kat dalam sungai pehtu boleh nak suruh bini tarik balik dakwaan?? Kesian kat wife dia, dekat 3 jam bertarung dengan maut dalam sungai yang airnya sangat deras. Umurnya masih panjang kerana dia dijumpai oleh orangramai sedang berpaut di dahan pokok dalam keadaan tersangat lemah. Subhanallah!

Jantan macam ni tak payah buat laki...