Thousand apologies

Gidday,

I won't be able to update for the time being. If you kinda miss me while I'm gone *wink wink*, feel free to browse old issues of SOTS.

I'll be back sooner than you expect. Meanwhile, have some blonde jokes.

Cheers mate!

**********************************

Dumb Wish

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you".

The first blonde said, "I wish I were smarter". So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is". She became a brunette.

The third blonde ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!" She became a man.

What's the time please?

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Medical Terminology for the Blondes

Artery -- Study of paintings

Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria

Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarean section -- District in Rome

Cat scan -- Searching for kitty

Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her

Colic -- Sheep dog

Coma -- A punctuation mark

Congenital -- Friendly

D&C -- Where Washington is

Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events

Dilate -- To live long

Enema -- Not a friend

Fester -- Quicker

Fibula -- A small lie

G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game

Grippe -- Suitcase

Hangnail -- Coathook

Impotent -- Distinguished, well known

Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee

Labor pain -- Got hurt at work

Medical staff -- Doctor's cane

Morbid -- Higher offer

Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate

Node -- Was aware of

Outpatient -- Person who had fainted

Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis

Post operative -- Letter carrier

Protein -- Favoring young people

Rectum -- It almost killed him

Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery

Rheumatic -- Amorous

Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf

Secretion -- Hiding anything

Seizure -- Roman emperor

Serology -- Study of knighthood

Tablet -- Small table

Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport

Tibia -- Country in North Africa

Tumor -- An extra pair

Urine -- Opposite of you're out

Varicose -- Located nearby

Vein -- Conceited

You've got mail!

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. She did this five more times and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

Hannah Montana and her 2 wild fans

Hookay, the daughters are officially hooked on the uber popular Hannah Montana. Almost all the underage girls in the neighbourhood seems to be head over heels "in love" with her. One close neighbour had her girl requested fervently for a pin-up poster of Miley Cyrus.

Everytime HM's video clip is aired on TV, they will drop everything they were doing and gaze open-mouthed at her. Wish they could do the same when I instruct them to do their school home work or house chore.

Sheesh.

The last time they behaved this way was when High School Musical was aired on TV exactly two years ago. Oh my, they even memorised the dance steps and heck, even Little B who's barely one year old then would eagerly jump up and down.

Kinda remind me of my own school girl's crush on Donny Osmond back in the seventies. Donny Osmond was super-hot in those days. And ABBA's kind of music was and still is cool up to this day. Who can ever forget the classic Dancing Queen. Some of ABBA's songs had been remixed and sung by different singers of many genres but nothing beats the original version.

Well whatever it is, I'm pretty sure this whole Hannah Montana craze will die down eventually before another teenage singer or pop group takes over Miley Cyrus's popularity. That happens to Hilary Duff of Lizzie McGuire fame after she became a full grown woman.

In the meantime, I'm just letting the girls enjoy it while it lasts.

5 things I discovered while on short hiatus (from blogging)

That;

1. My IQ dropped significantly by 10 points each time after watching sappy malay dramas or serials and that astro ria scores the highest point for having too many no-brainer tv shows. Their latest indulgence is Jangan Lupa Lirik hosted by none other, the narcissist Aznil Nawawi. Yikes!
2. My neighbour's cat got pregnant (again!) and that its female offspring just got laid some 2 days ago. ARGHHHHHH!
3. Eating half plate of rice did not make me any slimmer. What a complete waste, I mean the other half of portion I didn't get to eat
4. I had fun watching my neighbours looked totally clueless when another friend mentioned my nickname and not my real name when we blabbed about someone that day and they had no f***ing idea it was me all the while....hahaha!
5. I don't look nice on a mountain bike (picture someone with very fat ass riding it...totally gruesome OK)

Shall we dance?

This post was inspired by this lady. A very interesting topic I must say. Here goes...

Sometimes in order to spice up your dreary routine sex life, you need to inject creative fun ways to revive that sensual feeling that has slowly declined with each passing year due to aging, childbearing, endless household problems, debts, nosy in-laws and unnecessary stress that has accummulated throughout your married life thus making your sex life - dull, boring and oh so predictable.

One way of doing it, is by learning how to pole dance. According to wikipedia, pole dance is a form of erotic dancing with a vertical pole and is often used in strip club. Sometimes this type of dancing is combined with striptease and/or lap dancing between performers. So you catch the drift huh?

To actually learn this type of sensual dancing, you need to have:-

1. A steady pole (wooden poles/curtain railings are NOT recommended) in your bedroom;


2. It is also NOT advisable to install it in the living room or the kitchen or anywhere else visible to third party viewing as we certainly don't want peeping toms having the time of their life and risk being youtubed, do we?


3. If your bed has already been equipped with one (those poster bed lah...), that is also good enough. Remember that scene in the movie True Lies?


4. When all of that have been done, you'd also need to invest money to buy some sexy clothings. You can't really wear batik sarong with loose t-shirt to do it and for the guys, kain pelikat is a big NO NO. Where got fun that way lorr...LOL!
   

When all the necessary equipments are ready, then watch the video below for your further understanding of the said subject. Please view it with your spouse as this kind of entertainment needs teamwork. One dance and one watch.

Good luck in trying it out. Start with the husband first.

Warnng: DO NOT ever try this stunt at your in-laws' place (ada berani ka?). Bad idea!

Little Wonders

let it go

let it roll right off your shoulder

dont you know the hardest part is over

let it in

let your clarity define you

in the end we will only just remember

how it feels

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away

in these small hours

these small hours still remain

let it slide

let your troubles fall behind you

let it shine until you feel it all around you

and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to

we'll get by

it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away

but these small hours

these small hours still remain

all of my regret

will wash away some how

but i can not forget

the way i feel right now

in these small hours

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away but these small hours

with these small hours

still remain

they still remain

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away but these small hours

these little wonders

still remain

ever feel a song that will uplift your broken spirit? every time you feel like the world is going down on you, there's a gentle reminder somewhere that says, everything is gonna be alright in the end.

definitely one of the best inspirational song for me at times like this. and rob thomas remains as one of my favorite rock star...hehe. enjoy it folks!

You're just too BIG for us sweetie

that's not his bed...

Little B has been sharing our bed for the last 18 months and finally last night, he slept soundly in his bed without much hassle. He's two months away from his third birthday this September. We decided to move him to his own bed as he's getting too big for us. Besides, he sleeps very lasak too.

As a first step to get him to like his bed, we spring-cleaned the bedroom he shares with Kak Ngah and get rid of all unneccessary clutter. We got him a nice Barney theme bedsheet and pillow case, a throw pillow, a bolster, bed rail installed and of course Barney (his favorite bantal peluk toy) nicely arranged on his bed. Before the transition, Kak Ngah was sharing the room with Kak Long. We think that Kak Long should get her own room as she's on the verge of embracing pre-teenhood and needs privacy of her own. Turns out she liked the idea so much so that she's over the moon. She had requested for a PC (as if she knows how to operate it), a small tv, air conditioning unit, a dressing table complete with stool and a shelf to put her Barbie dolls. And some girlie stuffs. Oh dear.

For the past three consecutive nights, I've been having sleepless night. I'd wake up in the wee hours to his shrieking scream. I had expected this to happen. I'd rush to his room and quickly pat on his back softly and lull him intermittently. In between, I snooze myself. It was very exhausting, believe me. I looked and walked like a zombie with dishevelled hair and dark circle eyes after three nights of sleep deprivation. The last time I looked like this shit was when I was in confinement.

All those hard work of trying to wean him off from our bed had finally paid off last night. Pheww!

Next big assignment - potty train! *breathe in breathe out*

Surat terbuka buat jiranku...

Kehadapan jiran A yang sangat ku nyampah,

Pertama-tamanya, tujuan aku tulis surat ni sebab aku dah tak larat nak layan peel ko yg perasan bagus tu ok. Apa...ko ingat ko hensem sangat ke? Ko ingat dengan misai ala-ala Tom Selleck (tapi macam Tom Jelek) ko tu, ko perasan orang suka ngan ko ke? Pigi daaa!

Sebenarnya aku dah bosan berjirankan ko ni tau dak? Dah lama aku sabor ngan kerenah ko yg tak bertamaddun tuh. Apa...ko ingat aku tak tau ke apa yg ko buat? Dengan selamba badaknya ko buang sampah ko sesuka hati yek. Ko buang sampah ko dlm longkang depan rumah, tak pepasal longkang tersumbat. Bila dah tersumbat tu, air pun bertangkung la. Buat jadik tempat pembiakan nyamuk aedes jer. Bukan sekali dua ko buat keje tak berfaedah ni, dah banyak kali ok. Dah berbuih-buih mulut aku tegur ko, ko buat muka toya jer. Terpaksa la laki aku yang bersusah payah membersihkan longkang tu. Dah elok bersih, ko buang balik sampah ko dalam tuh. Hisyy....lagi la aku geram tau dak!

Orang lain nak tanam pokok bunga ko pun sibuk gak nak tanam. Orang lain sibuk buat konsep taman, ko pun terikut-ikut gak. Orang lain reti nak jaga tapi ko plak buat-buat tak reti. Habis semak samun aku tengok. Aku tak kisah la ko nak tanam bunga ke, buah ke, bangkai kucing pun lantak la. Ko nak semakkan taman ko pun dipersilakan. Ko punya taman kan. Suka hati ko la. Tapi yang buat aku bengang tahap gaban ni sebab semak samun kat rumah ko dah masuk kat rumah aku ok. Tak pepasal nanti jadik tempat nyorok ular aje. Dah banyak kali dah aku suruh ko cantas pokok ko tu, ko boleh buat derk jer.... heeee geramnya akuk!

Hari tu pokok kat luar depan rumah aku (yang ko memandai-mandai tanam tapi tak tanya aku pun) dah kena serang dek ulat bulu, ko boleh buat muka blur aje bila aku suruh ko tebang. Tau dak, ulat bulu tu dah masuk kat dalam rumah aku. Mentang-mentanglah ulat tu tak masuk rumah ko, ko boleh buat donno aje. Jiran jenis apakah ko ni? Tak paham la aku. Terpaksa la laki aku tebang pokok tuh. Lantaklah nak gaduh, gaduh lah! Jiran macam ko ni tak payah nak berbaik-baik sangat la. Buat menyakitkan hati aje. Semua orang dah tau perangai seposen ko tuh tapi tak kuasa nak cakap. Dah malas. Cakap camana pun ibarat masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri. Buang karan aje.

Ya Allah, aku mohon kepadaMu agar memberikan aku kesabaran yang maksimum dalam menghadapi kerenah insan tak reti bahasa sorang ni. Amin!

*Err, sorry guys. I just lost my cool today. Been tolerating this nonsense for the last 7 years I live here. Well, I guess you can choose to buy a house wherever you like but you can't choose a neighbour huh? Have you ever had any experience with neighbour from Hell? I have.

Alvin & the Chipmunks sure have a calming effect on me.

Fill up my car please!

Breathe easy dude!

I know. The fuel price hike is absolutely atrocious. RM2.70 a liter? There is no way escaping it. The moment the rumours spread like wild fire a few days ago, I knew that a lot of people are going into cardiac arrest.

Dear husband was one of them.

"Great! There goes my dream of driving Toyota Wish this year. " he mumbled and whined whilst munching his dinner last night.

You see, he had just settled the last instalment of his Proton Wira last month and was contemplating to grab an SUV or MPV this year. But all that wishful thinking went down the drain the minute the news of newest fuel price was made known last night.

"Did you know that before the latest price hike, I had to pay RM67++ for a full tank in my car and that it will last me only 5 days before I had to refill again? And now I have to pay like RM94++ to get a full tank in that same stupid car and it still lasts me for 5 days...blah blah blah...." he continued his frustations.

So, for the next 30 minutes or so during dinner, he had berated every single person (responsible) in the world especially George Bush for bringing misery to every man on the street.

I've never seen the man so hissy until last night. Sheesh.