Reading JT's recollection of her first memoirs brought back bittersweet memories of mine too. My first love story. It happened a very long time ago in my early twenties. I had already started work on my first job in KL then.
I met him at the bus stop while waiting for the next bus to board. I was alone. He was alone too probably waiting for the same thing. It was kinda late in the evening and I was rushing to get home soon. Didn't want my mom to start bickering non stop. In those days, mobile phones were unheard of. Public phone? Forget it. Most of the time, they had been vandalised especially the ones installed in the vicinity.
I don't normally bother to watch or stare at people go by. I'd just mind my own business. That was my life typically while waiting for the bus to arrive. So I hadn't really noticed him before. To me, he was just like everyone else at the bus stop - waiting for the bus to go somewhere.
So it was by pure chance that I got to meet him that fateful evening. The bus was late again as usual. So I took out a book from my bag and keep reading and was completely absorbed in it until I heard a soft voice. It was him. I remembered him saying something like this;
"Err...tumpang tanya. Ada orang duduk kat sebelah ke?" he was smiling.
"Tak de" and I smiled at him back.
"Boleh saya duduk sini?"
"Err..duduklah." And I continued reading my book.
"Maaf tanya dah lama ke tunggu bas kat sini? he asked apologetically somewhat understood that he had interrupted my blissful reading.
"Err...lama dah. Rasa macam nak dekat sejam dah. " I answered politely.
"Selalu tunggu bas kat sini ke? he asked again smiling. I remembered he had a sweet smile.
I just nodded.
By this time, I had absolutely no idea what I was reading about coz this guy sitting next to me seemed to be more interesting than the book itself. So I put down the book and started to chat with him. Being a talkative and friendly person that I am, it was really no big deal. Just a friendly chat. More on the topics of where does one work, what kind of work one does, where does one stay and things like that.
Until the bus arrived. After some pushing and shoving other people to get on board, we managed to get seats - next to each other. We continued the conversation like there was no tomorrow. I came to know that he had noticed me several times before but he was too afraid to make the first move. He said I looked serious and intense. I laughed heartily. I said how could I not be when I was reading a good book. He was a great storyteller. There was nary a dull moment with him.
The bus arrived at his place first. All this while he had been staying in his parents' house just 500 metres away from mine! He was from this taman perumahan and I was from the other taman perumahan in HK. How convenient!
Well, long story short, we had become closer to each other day by day. And we commuted to and from work together in that same bus no 270. We were like a couple. What I admired him the most is, not once had he tried to take advantage of me. The only thing he does to me was to hold my hand when we crossed the road.
The funny thing was, we never really utter the word love to each other. I guess there was no need to. Sure, we had said things like, I like you a lot and things like that but that was about it. Maybe both of us were too shy to declare our love for each other. Which was fine by me.
Then one day, out of the blue, he told me that he wanted me to meet his parents. When a man tells you something like that, you know that he is serious about you. The day finally came when I met them in person. He introduced me to his parents and siblings. I could feel my hands seram sejuk when I salam-ed with each one of them. His father was a rather quiet person but nice. He didn't talk much. So were his siblings. Most of them were polite. It was his mother that I was really bothered. She had that look in her face. You know the kind of look when someone doesn't like you. I felt it in her hands when she salam-ed with me. She didn't even looked at me when she talked to me.
I knew something was not right the minute she opened her mouth. She went straight to the point. And I didn't stand a chance.
"Dah lama ke kenal S ni? she looked at me sternly.
"Adalah nak dekat 6 bulan, makcik" I smiled nervously.
"Oh ye ke. Kawan2 gitu aje ke?"
"Err..ya makcik." I just didn't know what to say.
"Ohh...ingatkan kut ada apa apa ke. Makcik ni bukannya apa. Si S ni tak lama lagi nak kawin. Dengan sepupunya jugak". She blurted it out openly.
Doosh! It felt like someone had punched me in the face. It hurt so bad. I was completely stunned. He was too. I was totally speechless. I looked at him and he looked at me back. Quick. Think faster. I tried to remain cool but it was so hard to pretend when your voice kinda trembled.
"Oh..ye ke makcik. Baguslah macam tu. Bila tarikhnya?" I gulped.
"kalau takde apa apa halangan, hujung bulan 12 ni". The tone of her voice sounded like she had victory.
How I wish the earth would open up and swallow me at that instant. How I wish I could make myself dissappear right then. How I wish I hadn't come there in the first place. Mana nak letak muka. I felt so embarassed and stupid. But in reality, I was in his house infront of his family members. I had to act calmly. After I regained composure, I told him it was time to go home. I just wanted to get out from the situation as fast as I could. So I thanked to all his family members for being gracious hosts. I even kissed his mother's hand out of respect.
After we went out of the house, he offered to send me home in his dad's car. At first I didn't want to. I could always take the bus, macam tak biasa but he insisted that I should go with him. There was silence in the car. I didn't feel like talking. Suddenly, he stopped the car near the roadside somewhere. He turned to look at me and said he was so sorry for what happened. He didn't expect his mother to say those words. Later he confessed that his mother had mentioned to him sometime ago about matchmaking him with his cousin. She was still studying at the time. He wasn't interested because he had fallen in love with me. And that was the first time I heard him uttered those words. And that was the reason he wanted me to meet his parents. To tell them about me. But I guess his plan had backfired.
After the incident, I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought to myself, this wasn't going to work. No matter how much we seemed to love each other, his mother didn't approved of us being together. People always say - nak kahwin biarlah dapat restu dari ibubapa. Baru ada keberkatannya. I guess there's some truth in it. How could we possibly live together happily if I didn't get his mother's blessing. Syurga itu dibawah telapak kaki ibu. I didn't want him to turn against his mother for me. To take sides. Tearing apart mother and son relationship would be the last thing I want to do. So I chose to back off. Maybe I was a coward. I wasn't ready to face it. This was one battle I wasn't willing to participate.
So with a heavy heart, I managed to summon enough courage to end the relationship. As expected, he was totally against it. He pleaded with me to give his mom some time. Tears welled up in his eyes. But I was adamant. There was no turning back. So I said goodbye. And that was the end of it. We remained as friends only.
Years later, I received a wedding invitation from him personally. He showed up one day in my office and handed me the card. And the bride wasn't his cousin. So I guess he had found someone else. I decided then not to go to his wedding. Reasons I only know myself why. Wherever you are S, I wish you the best of luck. This song held a special place in my heart. It was the song I listened for days on end after the break up.
