Tutup kedai

Dearest fellow bloggers & friends,

When I started this blog last november, my intention then was to pen my random thoughts indiscreetly. It was meant for my reading pleasure only. The thought of sharing it with other people didn't seem to occur in my mind at the time. When I finally decided to share it, I had informed a few friends only. Even then, those friends are confined within the neighbourhood circle I currently reside. But as time goes by, this blog has garnered readers outside that circle and from abroad as well. Seriously, who could have thought that someone like David_Santos would come all the way from Portugal to drop a line or two in this blog. I've read so many blogs (too many to mention here), some are delightfully funny and witty, some are super cool and some are seriously thought provoking. They were in a class of their own.

To borrow a few lines from Syana; that it is very tempting to be someone else in the cyber world, a nickname, a made up persona and an imaginary life. You might get the satisfaction you seek but how long will it last? She was so right about it.

In this invisible world, you are tempted to become someone else. An alter ego. Someone who is the opposite of you in nature. You tend to exaggerate that character a little bit just to make the story more punchy, dramatic and action-packed. A writer with too far fetched an imagination. A writer who got so carried away that he/she tends to forget the world he/she's living in.

I've decided to pull the plug for good. Its a decision that I have been mulling for days right after I went blank a couple of weeks ago. As much as I want to write as freely, openly and crazily as I want to, I have lost that desire. I had mentioned in one of my entries before that this blog is here to stay no matter come what may. I guess I have to swallow those words back. Blogging has also taken a lot of my time too. Someone very dear to me had pointed that out and it struck a blow at me. This surreal world has been the best playground ever for me. For a moment there, I felt like I was Alice in Wonderland. But it's time to return to the real world.

And for the first time today, I feel no pressure of thinking what to write next. Writing is supposed to be a fun thing to do not a chore.

It's been a heck of a joyride knowing you all. I had made many friends from the blogsphere although I haven't met all of them in person. Thank you for being my friend. I may still come knocking on your door and leave footsteps once in a while.

I wish you all the best.

Yours sincerely,

KC

p/s: I will keep this blog for another week before deleting it. Thank you again for coming here.

Yesterday once more

Hookay, before I bore everyone to death with more of my first stories, I promise that this will be the last of it. I have lots of first stories but I'll choose three of them as my best remembrance. I'll make this as quick as possible.

First time I shitted in my underwear:-

I was 6 years old kindergartener. We were doing sing-alongs with the teacher playing the piano when suddenly I had a stomach ache. The stomach spasms unexpectedly and before I knew it, I was helplessly writhing like a worm in pain and clenching my fists so hard that I could see my palms turning red.

Slowly, I walked back to my seat and sat there for as long as I can remember to. Drenched in the heavy sweats that covered my forehead, I soon found myself recoiling inward like a wounded animal, emitting groans and moans as I tried my best to stifle. The pain won't go away as I had hoped. To keep the storm raging inside at bay and fight the powerful urge to purge the putrid liquid bomb threatening to erupt forcefully from my rear, I held onto my seat holding it firmly as not to let it go. I was too scared to inform my teacher coz she was too engrossed playing the piano with her students all standing nearby singing some children songs merrily.

But as the pain became so unbearable I couldn't hold it any longer that I just had to release the offender. Right there and then. I could feel warm sensation underneath my rear and within seconds, deadly poisonous gas began to whiff its rotten aroma in the classroom. I could see all my classmates were pinching their nose and my teacher had abruptly stopped playing the piano and looked around. "What was that horrible smell?", she hollered. I had the look of fear in my face. The kind of face when you scratch it with something sharp, the blood won't ooze out. By this time, everyone in the classroom were looking at me and I was well, too malu to say anything. They had already figured out who the culprit was.

Suffice to say, I had completely soiled my underwear, skirt and blouse. An amah had to come and lifted me from my seat to the nearest toilet and gave me a good wash-up.

First time I had sung infront of an audience:-

I was in a boarding school. I had been transferred there from my former school after my parents finalised their divorce. It was an alien surrounding to me for I had known nobody there except my uncle (dad's bro) who happened to teach at the same school.

First month there was totally hellish. I had been subjected to bullying (not the physical kind) by seniors. They asked me to do all sorts of chore for them. It was more of a challenge actually. To complete some of the tasks that were given to me, I was asked to get full signatures from all the seniors. It wasn't easy to get their signatures. Some were nice and dutifully obliged my request. Some were playing hard to get. To these people, I had to earn it. They will ask me to carry out tasks like getting foods and drinks from the canteen, be a postman, wash their shoes and etc. In short, I was their servant.

There was this one senior who was totally pain in the ass. She was really getting into my nerve. She had made me do all the things she wants and yet I still hadn't gotten her signature. By this time, I was very pissed off and tired at her bossy nature. She requested me to sing a song as a last request. She thought I'd just give up and break down. Oh boy was she so wrong. Bring it on sistah! I grabbed a hairbrush and get on the bed and started to sing Cyndi_Lauper's_Girls_Just_Wanna_Have_Fun. Suffice to say, I managed to rock the house down. They were all jaw-dropped by my superb performance...woo hoo hoo! Sweetah!

First time I knocked down someone:-

I was driving hastily towards the roundabout junction at Jalan Pahang. It was a busy morning. People were rushing to get to work. There were two traffic policemen on duty. I was looking on my right and rear view mirror so I hadn't noticed this policeman who was standing giving instructions on my left. When I was about to move, one motorist suddenly jumped queve. I was startled. The driver behind me was getting impatient and started to honk at me.

I was quite panicked so I stepped on the accelerator a little too hard and bonk! I had accidentally knocked down the policeman. I didn't even know how he got to be infront of me. He escaped unhurt and he was so lucky I didn't rolled him over. He ordered me to pull over which I did nervously and gave me that stern look. He took down my particulars and in my jittery I thought I was going to jail! I apologized profusely to which he accepted and let me go. Phew!

Sweet November

Reading JT's recollection of her first memoirs brought back bittersweet memories of mine too. My first love story. It happened a very long time ago in my early twenties. I had already started work on my first job in KL then.


I met him at the bus stop while waiting for the next bus to board. I was alone. He was alone too probably waiting for the same thing. It was kinda late in the evening and I was rushing to get home soon. Didn't want my mom to start bickering non stop. In those days, mobile phones were unheard of. Public phone? Forget it. Most of the time, they had been vandalised especially the ones installed in the vicinity.

I don't normally bother to watch or stare at people go by. I'd just mind my own business. That was my life typically while waiting for the bus to arrive. So I hadn't really noticed him before. To me, he was just like everyone else at the bus stop - waiting for the bus to go somewhere.

So it was by pure chance that I got to meet him that fateful evening. The bus was late again as usual. So I took out a book from my bag and keep reading and was completely absorbed in it until I heard a soft voice. It was him. I remembered him saying something like this;

"Err...tumpang tanya. Ada orang duduk kat sebelah ke?" he was smiling.

"Tak de" and I smiled at him back.

"Boleh saya duduk sini?"

"Err..duduklah." And I continued reading my book.

"Maaf tanya dah lama ke tunggu bas kat sini? he asked apologetically somewhat understood that he had interrupted my blissful reading.

"Err...lama dah. Rasa macam nak dekat sejam dah. " I answered politely.

"Selalu tunggu bas kat sini ke? he asked again smiling. I remembered he had a sweet smile.

I just nodded.

By this time, I had absolutely no idea what I was reading about coz this guy sitting next to me seemed to be more interesting than the book itself. So I put down the book and started to chat with him. Being a talkative and friendly person that I am, it was really no big deal. Just a friendly chat. More on the topics of where does one work, what kind of work one does, where does one stay and things like that.

Until the bus arrived. After some pushing and shoving other people to get on board, we managed to get seats - next to each other. We continued the conversation like there was no tomorrow. I came to know that he had noticed me several times before but he was too afraid to make the first move. He said I looked serious and intense. I laughed heartily. I said how could I not be when I was reading a good book. He was a great storyteller. There was nary a dull moment with him.

The bus arrived at his place first. All this while he had been staying in his parents' house just 500 metres away from mine! He was from this taman perumahan and I was from the other taman perumahan in HK. How convenient!

Well, long story short, we had become closer to each other day by day. And we commuted to and from work together in that same bus no 270. We were like a couple. What I admired him the most is, not once had he tried to take advantage of me. The only thing he does to me was to hold my hand when we crossed the road.

The funny thing was, we never really utter the word love to each other. I guess there was no need to. Sure, we had said things like, I like you a lot and things like that but that was about it. Maybe both of us were too shy to declare our love for each other. Which was fine by me.

Then one day, out of the blue, he told me that he wanted me to meet his parents. When a man tells you something like that, you know that he is serious about you. The day finally came when I met them in person. He introduced me to his parents and siblings. I could feel my hands seram sejuk when I salam-ed with each one of them. His father was a rather quiet person but nice. He didn't talk much. So were his siblings. Most of them were polite. It was his mother that I was really bothered. She had that look in her face. You know the kind of look when someone doesn't like you. I felt it in her hands when she salam-ed with me. She didn't even looked at me when she talked to me.

I knew something was not right the minute she opened her mouth. She went straight to the point. And I didn't stand a chance.

"Dah lama ke kenal S ni? she looked at me sternly.

"Adalah nak dekat 6 bulan, makcik" I smiled nervously.

"Oh ye ke. Kawan2 gitu aje ke?"

"Err..ya makcik." I just didn't know what to say.

"Ohh...ingatkan kut ada apa apa ke. Makcik ni bukannya apa. Si S ni tak lama lagi nak kawin. Dengan sepupunya jugak". She blurted it out openly.

Doosh! It felt like someone had punched me in the face. It hurt so bad. I was completely stunned. He was too. I was totally speechless. I looked at him and he looked at me back. Quick. Think faster. I tried to remain cool but it was so hard to pretend when your voice kinda trembled.

"Oh..ye ke makcik. Baguslah macam tu. Bila tarikhnya?" I gulped.

"kalau takde apa apa halangan, hujung bulan 12 ni". The tone of her voice sounded like she had victory.

How I wish the earth would open up and swallow me at that instant. How I wish I could make myself dissappear right then. How I wish I hadn't come there in the first place. Mana nak letak muka. I felt so embarassed and stupid. But in reality, I was in his house infront of his family members. I had to act calmly. After I regained composure, I told him it was time to go home. I just wanted to get out from the situation as fast as I could. So I thanked to all his family members for being gracious hosts. I even kissed his mother's hand out of respect.

After we went out of the house, he offered to send me home in his dad's car. At first I didn't want to. I could always take the bus, macam tak biasa but he insisted that I should go with him. There was silence in the car. I didn't feel like talking. Suddenly, he stopped the car near the roadside somewhere. He turned to look at me and said he was so sorry for what happened. He didn't expect his mother to say those words. Later he confessed that his mother had mentioned to him sometime ago about matchmaking him with his cousin. She was still studying at the time. He wasn't interested because he had fallen in love with me. And that was the first time I heard him uttered those words. And that was the reason he wanted me to meet his parents. To tell them about me. But I guess his plan had backfired.

After the incident, I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought to myself, this wasn't going to work. No matter how much we seemed to love each other, his mother didn't approved of us being together. People always say - nak kahwin biarlah dapat restu dari ibubapa. Baru ada keberkatannya. I guess there's some truth in it. How could we possibly live together happily if I didn't get his mother's blessing. Syurga itu dibawah telapak kaki ibu. I didn't want him to turn against his mother for me. To take sides. Tearing apart mother and son relationship would be the last thing I want to do. So I chose to back off. Maybe I was a coward. I wasn't ready to face it. This was one battle I wasn't willing to participate.

So with a heavy heart, I managed to summon enough courage to end the relationship. As expected, he was totally against it. He pleaded with me to give his mom some time. Tears welled up in his eyes. But I was adamant. There was no turning back. So I said goodbye. And that was the end of it. We remained as friends only.

Years later, I received a wedding invitation from him personally. He showed up one day in my office and handed me the card. And the bride wasn't his cousin. So I guess he had found someone else. I decided then not to go to his wedding. Reasons I only know myself why. Wherever you are S, I wish you the best of luck. This song held a special place in my heart. It was the song I listened for days on end after the break up.

Mom's the word

Still reeling from that I-don't-feel-like-blogging feeling, I thought I'd just paste this quotes I got in email sent by a friend recently.

Motherhood is a very special and important job. Only those who had experienced motherhood would understand the agonies one goes thru during pregnancy and delivery of their children. After the birth of her infant, a mother's life will never be the same again FOREVER! Mark my word man.

Well, I'm just too lazy to add after second paragraph. Words get stucked in my mouth and my brain is currently going into a frenzy brain freeze. I can't help it. Its un-controllable. Its been this way for days.

Until I get back my blogging mojo, here are some of beautiful quotes I'd like to dedicate to all mothers out there wherever you are. Happy mother's day and have a lovely day this weekend with your loved ones.

Never eat rice ah?

Man, I don't feel like doing anyting today or any other day for that matter.

Too lazy to write. Too lazy to fix lunch for my kids (but had to). Too lazy to eat. Too lazy to reply emails. Too lazy to reply comments from blogger friends. Too lazy to bloghop. Too lazy to watch tv. Too lazy to have a bath.

I should affix a sign on my forehead that says ... 'out of order'.

Oh, by the way, I'm changing my template again. Why should my profile be on the left side when I'm a right-handed person. No wonder my neck is killing me lately. Sheesh!